Gosh, I am finding it so hard to keep up here!
First my excuse is that my husband was gone for 3 weeks and I was overwhelmed with responsibilities.
But he made it home and now my excuse is I'd much rather spend time as a family.
Can't win, I guess :)
Yesterday we had our 12 week ob appointment.
I have really struggled with fear with this pregnancy.
I grew up by my mom who had 11 pregnancies and 11 births, so when I had Ashlynn, I just assumed that all would be wonderful. And it was.
And then my sister had two miscarriages and I had a harsh awakening that pregnancy is a very delicate thing.
2 weeks after her second miscarriage we found out we were pregnant with Selah.
We were elated but it was so hard not to feel guilty in a way.
Since then, I have met more people that have miscarried and been so much more aware of the fragility of this new life.
As soon as we see the + sign on that stick we makes changes to our diet, take gross vitamins, and give ourselves shots and pray so hard for the life inside of us.
But there is only so much we can do.
We have to trust the Lord with the rest.
He has been speaking to me in such a strong way this time around.
I have to practice telling the enemy where to go on a daily basis.
But I don't want to just pray out of fear.
After my appointment yesterday I was convicted of the way I've been doing so.
Ryan and the girls went in with me and after catching up with my doctor, I got on the bed and waited as he searched for a heartbeat.
And waited....and waited....nothing.
I know better than to start freaking out but I must have done a terrible job by the look on my face.
"At twelve weeks the only reason I shouldn't be hearing a heartbeat is if your uterus is tipped. So let's go get you an ultrasound to ease your mind."
As we waited for a half hour I found myself pleading with the Lord, "God, please...please not that. And not with the girls here."
The ultrasound tech called us back and it didn't take but two seconds for me to see that everything was just fine.
The very first thing I saw on the screen was the beating heart. And a fast one at that.
That babe was punching, kicking, and doing flips.
"No wonder he couldn't hear a heartbeat, your baby was far to active to pick up on anything." the tech told us.
I immediately felt my entire body relax.
I can't explain that degree of relief.
We got our print out and headed on our merry way.
That picture is the difference in just 4 short weeks.
Ashlynn had told me last week that my baby looked like a rock.
Yesterday she said, "I see the face!!"
We hadn't even made it home before I realized that I needed to change the posture in which I have been praying for this baby.
Instead of in fear of what could go wrong, I need to pray in faith that He has a plan and destiny for this baby. No matter what. It is much easier said than done but I'm making the shift.