February 11, 2014

relationship with my kids.


So if you haven't noticed, the longer I go without blogging, the easier it becomes.
It's not my intention, I simply forget about it sometimes.
I'm finding I have to work a lot harder at being consistent. With blogging, with parenting, with everything.
During these long winter months there hasn't been anything entirely pressing and I've let it effect way too many things. 
Like parenting.
As soon as I feel like I've got a good handle on things God uses my kids to show me that I don't.
At all.

Both of my girls are anything but passive.
I feel like somedays we are just playing bumper cars with one dramatic meltdown to another.
I am learning to navigate a lot of unchartered territory and seem to be doing it every way but gracefully.
My fuse is short and it isn't producing anything good in my kids. And then I'm surprised when their own reaction is different than mine? Hmmm...

I justify it at times by saying "I'm just fighting for their hearts", when in all honestly, we have their hearts. It's evident in the way that they always comes back and love on us so genuinely.
They aren't holding back on us.
They are human and they make mistakes but it doesn't mean that we have lost them.
I don't know why I didn't see this before.


I get so consumed with trying to shape, mold, and keep them in line that I'm missing out on the relationship with them.
It's true that right now it is critical in establishing their worldview and many other fundumental basics to  becoming a decent human being. But I think what hit me this morning is that the best way I can do that is by investing more in my relationship with them.
What I am doing now is important for establishing boundaries and showing them how to trust those boundaries....but I want them to also trust me. I think that is where the connection is getting lost.
I can get frustrated at times that my husband is by far the girls favorite. I am the one here all day long, investing in them, dammit! The thing is though, they are craving relationship, and that is what he is giving them. His  "Come and talk to me" "Tell me about your day" "Let's wrestle" versus my, "Sit up, eat your dinner. Use your fork, not your hands" "Hurry up and get out of the bath" "Put the books away and climb in your bed...quickly."
I am in no way saying throw the rules out the window and just be "fun".
But would it hurt me to take the extra time to be more fun on occasion? They are still so little! It's ok!

In the past I've thought each day was a battle to winning their hearts.
No. They have given me their heart, freely. It's my job to keep it and in order to do so I need to work on building my relationship with them. Simple as that. 

I am far from having this all figured out, and I'm aware I probably never will. 
But I am grateful for the little things I am learning along the way and that I haven't permanently damaged my children as of yet. :)

9 comments:

  1. I could quote so many things you said in this. Boom. So so good. I often forget the point of parenting. It's the relationship and the moments, not producing a perfect child. You might not be there yet at remembering all the time but after all, you're only human too. be kind to yourself and it will play out to the girls too.

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  2. i can appreciate this so much! i think a lot of us moms need to hear this! great post kaylee! :]

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  3. great post! I'm not a mom yet... but I find this same thing happening in all aspects of life.

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  4. such a good post. my boys, by far, prefer my husband over me! and it's because, like you, i am constantly "correcting", setting boundaries, trying to "get things done", trying to stay above water...and my husband comes home like a knight in shining armor, all fun and excitement and energy! i find that our best days are when i'm really invested in them, playing with them on the floor, etc. it's a balance, for sure. and it's HARD! but it's so good that we have this community where we can express these tough feelings and support each other =)

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  5. That spoke right to my heart. Thank you, friend. xo

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  6. Others, in online reviews talk about pump, intensity, and focus. I say, all of it is important along with strength, recovery, stamina and especially recovery. And then some more.

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  7. This was so good for me to read!

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  8. hey kaylee, you recently (like in the past year) have followed my blog but i got hacked and google locked it down. you can re follow me (if you like) at this new url. :) miss your blog...so glad to be back into the blog world.

    http://lovedanica.blogspot.com/

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  9. Oh Kaylee, right there with ya girl! The girls have a really special place for Jeff and seem to prefer him in a lot of things when he is home. I sometimes feel like the task master and Jeff gets to have all the fun. I've been working on the same balance of training them and growing a relationship of trust with them. So encouraging, thank you for sharing friend!

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