So if you haven't noticed, the longer I go without blogging, the easier it becomes.
It's not my intention, I simply forget about it sometimes.
I'm finding I have to work a lot harder at being consistent. With blogging, with parenting, with everything.
During these long winter months there hasn't been anything entirely pressing and I've let it effect way too many things.
As soon as I feel like I've got a good handle on things God uses my kids to show me that I don't.
Both of my girls are anything but passive.
I feel like somedays we are just playing bumper cars with one dramatic meltdown to another.
I am learning to navigate a lot of unchartered territory and seem to be doing it every way but gracefully.
My fuse is short and it isn't producing anything good in my kids. And then I'm surprised when their own reaction is different than mine? Hmmm...
I justify it at times by saying "I'm just fighting for their hearts", when in all honestly, we have their hearts. It's evident in the way that they always comes back and love on us so genuinely.
They aren't holding back on us.
They are human and they make mistakes but it doesn't mean that we have lost them.
I don't know why I didn't see this before.
I get so consumed with trying to shape, mold, and keep them in line that I'm missing out on the relationship with them.
It's true that right now it is critical in establishing their worldview and many other fundumental basics to becoming a decent human being. But I think what hit me this morning is that the best way I can do that is by investing more in my relationship with them.
What I am doing now is important for establishing boundaries and showing them how to trust those boundaries....but I want them to also trust me. I think that is where the connection is getting lost.
I can get frustrated at times that my husband is by far the girls favorite. I am the one here all day long, investing in them, dammit! The thing is though, they are craving relationship, and that is what he is giving them. His "Come and talk to me" "Tell me about your day" "Let's wrestle" versus my, "Sit up, eat your dinner. Use your fork, not your hands" "Hurry up and get out of the bath" "Put the books away and climb in your bed...quickly."
I am in no way saying throw the rules out the window and just be "fun".
But would it hurt me to take the extra time to be more fun on occasion? They are still so little! It's ok!
In the past I've thought each day was a battle to winning their hearts.
No. They have given me their heart, freely. It's my job to keep it and in order to do so I need to work on building my relationship with them. Simple as that.
I am far from having this all figured out, and I'm aware I probably never will.
But I am grateful for the little things I am learning along the way and that I haven't permanently damaged my children as of yet. :)